An Argument Against Growing Up

What Good is Growing Up?

Photo by MEUM MARE

I have this thing with aging. I don’t know if it’s a curiosity or a complex—maybe it’s just an adoration for it. I could go on and on about age, so buckle up and expect to hear more on this topic. Today, I want to explore a component of aging—that thing we call "growing up." It fascinates me that we spend our lives focused on "growing up" when so much of the magic—our magic—gets lost in the "grown" part of life. Sure, we all need to evolve as humans. This is not a plea for Peter Pan syndrome, lord please no—I’ve met enough of those boys. Today’s question is more of a manifesto for play, for joy at all costs, for following curiosities without purpose or premeditation, for not letting age cage you to any of society’s expectations for you—or, perhaps most of all, the expectations you’ve inked for yourself.

Terrible Ideas

There is a character from a film that always captures this essence for me. I was nearly 16 when Under the Tuscan Sun was released, and while the idea of buying a home in Italy captured a part of my heart, the character that perhaps left the strongest impression was not Frances (the lead) but a supporting role—Katherine, played by the dazzling and defiant Lindsay Duncan. From the very first glimmer of her character, we witness her effortlessly and sumptuously at play—nestling a chick against her neck. She immediately has us enraptured. There is something almost astounding, even disruptive, about an "adult" interacting like a child might—so in touch with her senses and seemingly out of touch with what society thinks of her. To some, Katherine’s character is probably perplexing, impractical, immature, or even confronting. But that is what makes me so in awe of her—this grown woman—and how exquisitely free she is.

Katherine portrays a woman unhindered by age or time, unbound by expectation, and unquestionably present. While her age is not revealed, Duncan was in her early 50s during filming. So while it’s clear Katherine has reached an older, wiser era in the storyline, she feels perhaps like the most youthful character. She is at no one’s whim but her own, making her both defiant and ostentatious. What if we weren’t concerned with playing at being "grown up" and let our whims lead? The image of Katherine licking an ice cream cone and turning to Frances (played by Diane Lane) with a devilish smile to say:

“A terrible idea. Mm hmm, Don't you just love those?”

will forever be painted in my memory. Katherine is a grown woman who embodies anything but being grown up, and because of it, she gives us a taste of what it is to be effervescently free. Which beckons the question…

What good is growing up?

Still from Under the Tuscan Sun (2003), courtesy of Touchstone Pictures / Disney. Used for commentary under fair use.

Sure, I’m using a fictional character as a point of reference—but then again, isn’t that the point? To live less according to rules and more toward our imaginations and the curiosities that spark something in us? So stay with me. Perhaps let these words remind you of your favorite characters and what you might take from them if you stopped taking yourself—ourselves—so seriously. After all, who says you are ever really "grown up"?

Letting The Ladybugs Find You

For me, the character of Katherine is emblematic of play. A part of Katherine, or maybe every bit of her, never fully grew up, and witnessing it feels wonderfully irresponsible. But why? Why does her character demand any judgment? Perhaps because her sense of indulgence conflicts with our vision of adulthood—it reads as self-indulgent, which Western culture seems to have vilified. However, as a grown-up myself, I can say for certain: life is a lot less fun when you don’t indulge in it.

As her character develops, Katherine continues to drop some weighty words:

“Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

This is as beautiful a visual as it is a message. Katherine is telling us all to leave it—to rest, to let go, to get lost in our daydreams. She reminds us to stop taking things so seriously. Instead of being on a path, seeking success, trying to be "grown," what if we did the opposite? What if we laid back and let life be lived, savored, explored? What if we let each day be led by an insatiable need for freedom—of thought, of action? What if we let our childish curiosities lead? Might we be happier?

With age, we seem to lose permission to be at play, even to laugh. Imagine boardrooms where laughter was part of the environment—not only would we have more fun, but dare I say, we might produce more powerful work? What a disruptive yet enticing idea.

Adults are expected to be "mature," but what good is a life not laughed through? Part of the fun of watching a child grow is their inherent sense of humor that bubbles out of them, unheeded by social norms. They are playing parts for the simple sake of it. They aren’t paid to be comedians—they are simply being beautifully, purely self-indulgent. This is the magic of children, and the wisdom that lies in them is perhaps simply a cause and effect of not taking life so seriously—of seeing it and feeling it wholeheartedly, and without caution.

Still from Under the Tuscan Sun (2003), courtesy of Touchstone Pictures / Disney. Used for commentary under fair use.

Living Spherically

Which brings me to my last Katherine quote:

“You have to live spherically–in many directions. Never lose your childish enthusiasm and things will come your way.”

When we grow up, too many of us lose that childish enthusiasm. But Katherine, even as a character, lives out that part of us we let go of in order to "grow up." Can’t we just grow—not grow up? If we’re only going in one direction—upwards—we’re not living spherically. We should be growing in all directions. Growing by failing, two steps back but one step forward. I know "growing up" as a concept is not bound to a single definition, but I think all too often, we bind it to one.

I don’t know what will come our way if we give up growing up, but I have a deep rooted belief that there is something essential in guarding that childish enthusiasm, as Katherine puts it. If we grow up too fast, too wholeheartedly, we might extinguish those fires that are born in us. There is an inexplicable power in belly laughs with friends old and new, in the spontaneous, irresponsible, sometimes "terrible ideas" that bring us the kind of joy we couldn’t have dreamed of. As children, we don’t see terrible ideas—we only see ideas. We see guardrails, not rules. We see possibility, not limits.

Courageously Childish

We’re not all Katherine, nor should we be—oh, how boring that would be. But what if you followed your deeply held indulgences without fear of judgment—or better yet, without a care for what anyone might think? For some this may come naturally, but for others public play may be a challenge that requires some courage. And while we can’t abandon all responsibilities—at least not all in one go ;)— maybe we can start a little revolution by abandoning just one of those “grown up” disciplines.

Still from Under the Tuscan Sun (2003), courtesy of Touchstone Pictures / Disney. Used for commentary under fair use.

Maybe it’s swapping ice cream for lunch, or dancing in the street when you’re walking to work. I can’t help but think how stunning that would be, a sea of humans being completely, exquisitely embodied. Consider this an invitation to explore your curiosities and see what happens when you forgo the serious side of life for whatever brings you pleasure in the present. Forsake growing up, and let your childish enthusiasm come roaring out of you.

What’s worse than the regret of ideas, stories, and adventures unexplored? So forget being a grown-up already. Go play. Let the ladybugs find you. Laugh out loud, live out loud, and maybe try following some of those terrible ideas.

Tell me in the comments what one of your terrible ideas is and I'll respond and share one or two of my own.

Xx
Katie